No, really though seeing how much they change year to year and how fast they truly grow is something that is so hard to embrace and wrap our minds around.
The first day of school comes with so many mixed emotions from both parents and kids. The kids are excited for the most part. Ready to play with friends, meet new people, and just be away from us for a while. It also comes with some nervousness and anxious feelings, but those feelings seem to quickly fade.
I'm gonna be honest here and let you know as for me, I have been counting the days down until the first day FINALLY starts. You know that day that FINALLY you get all of them all in school all day. YES!!! Time to myself, a little quietness, maybe lunch with a friend, housework with no distractions or toys being pulled out constantly, no one fighting, and no one needing my attention all stinkin day long!!!! I know someone out there can relate to these feelings.
We read the facebook post from the Mom's already counting the days until summer vacation, or the ones that are so sad the kids are going to be gone all day. I mean, what's wrong with these Moms? Am I missing something? I can't help but think once they are all gone all day I might actually get to go to the bathroom without anyone opening the door or maybe just even have some time to sit and breath for once.
When you are raising a tribe these quiet moments to ourselves don't come often, but yet we dream of these moments daily. Then...They FINALLY come!!!
However, we quickly realize that yes, we might be ready for a little time away from the kids, but they are our kids. We love them, we love the chaos, we love being needed and wanted, and we love the company.
As I walked out of the school this morning my heart began to race and I felt a little empty. Wait..What? Empty? God, this is what I have been waiting for! You know I am tired. You know I am weak. You know I am frazzled. You know I need my space and time. Right, God?
All I could hear was, SILENCE.
No one needs me to pick them up from preschool. No one needs me to fix their lunch today. No one needs my attention all day long. No one is saying Mommy, right now. Wait God, I wasn't expecting these feelings.
I quickly realized just how much I truly do love our chaos. Yes, it is extremely unbearable at times and leaves me overwhelmed most days, but I love them. They are getting big, they are changing daily into their own person, they are needing me less and less and I am finding myself sad and not completely ecstatic.
I see now just how much we truly do need our kids. To love them, support them, mold them, and lift them up at all times. Not wish our time away. We will never get these moments back and they go by so quickly.
I also see that is how my Heavenly Father is. Yes, He is silent at times, but it's because His silence is what we need to stop and breath Him in. We so desperately want to run and hide from him and just get away, but we so desperately need Him just as our kids truly need us. He wants to mold us, so we can mold our kids. He wants to love us unconditionally so we too can learn to love our kids unconditionally. No matter how much we kick and scream and throw fits, just as my tribe does on a daily basis, He loves us in spite of it ALL!!
I am thankful for routine today. I am thankful for healthy kids. I am thankful for amazing teachers that too will love, support, and mold my kids while I am not there, but most importantly I love my Father who never wishes His time away from me. I can't wait to hear about their first day. I can't wait to embrace them all and I can't wait to see those ornery smiles!! Kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, and 6th grade. WOW! Where has it all gone?! Now, hurry home!
