Today was field trip day with the spunky Princess. I reassured her many times before school that I would be at her field trip. This is something so often as parents raising kids in a normal situation take for granted. Our biological kids know they can depend on us. They know we will never leave and we will forever take care of them. However, for our Princess this is a fear we still deal with often. It can become frustrating at times. Recently, God has opened my eyes more and softened my heart to all she deals with. So many times I have allowed her insecurities and fears anger me. In know we are not the perfect family, but when a child doesn't trust you or doubts you and others so often it becomes extremely frustrating.
I pull in to the Pumpkin Patch today and see that for once I am on time and somewhere before the kids are! Ha! Yes, this is true...I am ALWAYS late! I get out and get baby Cash situated for the adventure and then discover that he has pooped. So I undo everything and start over. While I am doing all this I see the buses pulling in and kids exiting buses. My heart starts to feel overwhelmed because deep down I know what my absence at the trip can do to my daughter. I try and take a deep breath and finish what I am doing.
As I walk in I don't see her class and panic sets in. My pace picks up and my eyes start searching for my curly haired princess. Then, I spot her already on the hayride. Just as the guy is closing the tailgate I squeeze on. At first she doesn't even notice I am on the hayride. I can see her looking around. No one else knows what this look of hers means, but to me this is her look of disappointment. Suddenly our eyes meet!! She jumps up, gives me and Cash both many kisses and says with all sincerity and love "Mommy, you did come. Oh mommy, thank you so very much for coming on my field trip today. You are the best mommy and Cash is the best baby." We give each other great big hugs, but this embrace was different. I could feel her melt into my arms.
Trusting is not easy for her and so often it is hard for me to understand that. In her life many people have come and gone. Many people have hurt her and many people have scared her. Until you have taken in a foster child and lived this life it is truly hard for you to understand all the emotions that come with this journey. Due to all these emotions it is hard for many to complete the foster or even adoption task God has called them on. I can admit that many times I wanted to give up. Many times I questioned what God was truly doing. I became bitter and ugly, which she does not deserve. I am not happy about my emotions at times, but the emotions are real.
As we spent the next few hours together I saw her in such a beautiful way. Her Thank Yous overflowed. For her, her mom came and carried through, which is just one more step in the right direction to her. She loved on her baby brother Cash and on her Momma. She was so happy to show all her friends "HER" baby. She held him, she kissed him, she loved him. She was so proud of her Momma. She introduced me to everyone and made sure they all knew that I was her Momma and that we had the same middle name. My heart was full of love and once again my proudness meter rose for her.
My daughter is not perfect and neither am I. What my daughter is though is kind, loving, and compassionate. She is the best big sister and the best helper. Her Thank Yous are genuine and sincere. She shares willingly with others, which to me knowing that she has gone without many times is a huge testament to who God has made her to be.
Today as I spent quiet time with God after I got home I sincerely Thanked Him over and over for my daughter. She is not always easy and you know what? Neither am I. We butt heads and we get upset with each other, but in the end we love each other and I am proud to be her Mom!
Today I want to challenge you to truly look around you. To slow down and allow God to open your eyes to those around you that He has placed in your life and give them a real, honest, and sincere Thank You. Most importantly, Thank God for all He has blessed you with and trust He is control in all circumstances.
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