It's days like today that I just have to sit back and really be thankful for how blessed I am. 3 1/2 years ago our struggles with daycare seemed to happen more and more. Never did I want to be a stay at home mom, so instead of really praying about it and seeking God's will I just tried to fix the situation with another daycare provider.
Selfishly I wanted to work. I love working. I love being out of the home. I love being with adults and feeling accomplished as a mom and wife. I felt when I worked I was able to give more to my kids and my husband because I was refreshed and ready to give my time and my self to others.
However, the daycare struggles continued and as God guided and spoke to us I started cutting back on work to be at home with the kids. Yea, it sounds crummy and sometimes when I have the feeling of wishing my time way, because I so desperately want to find myself again I feel crummy.
It was not an easy decision for me. Being at home has put a strain on our finances, on our marriage, and on me with the daily demands of the kids. I never realized just how hard being a stay at home mom really is. I mean as a working mom we envy those who are at home getting the laundry done, dinner fixed, and the house cleaned daily. Their kids always look so put together and everyone seems happy, but I am here to tell you...IT'S NOT THAT EASY and that mom you are envious of because she's at home daily and your not is envious of you for getting time away.
My patience wears thin daily. I'm tired, exhausted, and overwhelmed. And sadly most days I find myself screaming because no one wants to listen. No one wants to pick up their dirty laundry. No one knows where a trash can is or the sink for dirty dishes and DAILY I find myself picking up and organizing the same things. UGH.
God, where are you in all of this? You called me here, but most days I don't feel you here? I want to be all you designed me to be, but God I'm tired. I'm running daily and shuffling kids daily. God, show me what lies ahead.
Do you have those thoughts too? Are you too a tired mom who some days selfishly finds herself pouting because you just want to be alone. You long for a few minutes of silence. No one calling you Mom and no one following you in to the bathroom. Just silence.
As I got the opportunity today to go on yet another field trip with my little one I found myself thanking God over and over for this time and this opportunity. As I looked into those big eyes that were full of excitement because Mommy was there was when I realized this is exactly where I'm suppose to be. We ran, skipped, laughed, played, looked at animals, fed animals, took a train ride, and just had fun. My little ones need that time alone with me just as much as I need that time alone with them.
Today let's make a commitment to really find the joy in our journey at home. No more wishing our time away, no more pouting because we don't get time away, but fully embracing all God has blessed us with. He has given us these little ones to train up to love and follow Him. It's hard for them to see that love and feel that love in our daily frustrations. Let's give all we can give even when the giving is slowing us down. Then at the end of the day fully seek our God who gives us full rest. Asking Him to continue helping us be all He wants us to be!
Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
No matter where your struggles are today be glad we serve a God who is bigger. Embrace your loved ones and rest knowing God is near.
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